Nowhere Else To Go
by Erika
Summary: QuiGon tries to help ObiWan come to terms with the horror of a terrible event.


**_Title_**: Nowhere Else to Go

**_Author_**: Erika

**_Rating_**: PG13 (subject matter)

**_Summary_**: Qui-Gon tries to help Obi-Wan come to terms with the horror of a terrible event.

**_Time Frame_**: Obi-Wan is 15

**Spoilers**: I don't think so

**_Category_**: AU, Angst, H/C, non-slash, POV

**_Disclaimers_**: The Star Wars universe and all of its characters belong to George Lucas, I'm only borrowing them to have a little fun and I promise to return them unharmed (well, at least mostly unharmed). I'm making no money off of this and this is written for entertainment purposes only. Any characters that are not recognizable as being part of the SW universe belong to me, but you guys probably figured that out, right?

**_Feedback_**: Don't make me beg!!!!! Both positive feedback and _constructive_ criticism is greatly appreciated and will be cherished! (firedrake88@yahoo.com)

**_Archive_**: Jedi Apprentice, Early Years, Wolfie's Den, and anyone who has any of my previous stories. Anyone else who wants this, please ask and send me a link to your site so that I can check it out :-D

Despite the subject matter I hope you guys enjoy it and _please_ tell me what you think!

Nowhere Else to Go

**Obi-Wan:**

Beep. Beep. Beep. My comlink sounded loudly in the silent night, rudely bringing me from my peaceful slumbers. I opened my sleep heavy eyes. My vision was blurry and sleep weighed heavily on my mind but through the hazy darkness I saw that it was three in the morning. Who would me calling me at three in the morning?

Suppressing the urge to roll over and go back to sleep I climbed out of bed and stumbled to my desk. I picked up the comlink and fumbled with the controls until I finally managed to turn it on.

"Obi-Wan Kenobi here," I grumbled in a hoarse, sleepy voice.

"Good morning Obi-Wan, I'm sorry to bother you at such an early hour but someone's here to see you," Corelio, a Temple guard and friend, sang happily through my comlink.

Corelio's obvious humor did nothing to ease my annoyance. "Who would be here to see me at three in the morning?" I asked wearily.

"Oh come on, Obi-Wan, I'm sure it's a decent hour of the morning _somewhere_ on _some_ planet in the galaxy! Look at the bright side! A Jedi has to be ready at all hours of the day and night; consider this part of your training. My specialty, free of charge. I mean, Qui-Gon doesn't wake you up at three in the morning, does he? If someone doesn't disturb your sleep every once in a while then how are you going to learn to be ready for anything that the Force might throw your way?"

I rolled my eyes as a small smile played at my lips, "As much as I appreciate your concern for my Jedi training, I _am_ rather tired so if you would be so kind as to tell me _who_ is here to see me, I would be very grateful."

"Of course, of course!" Corelio assured me merrily, "how stupid of me to neglect that very important factor in our early-morning conversation. Well, she won't tell me her name but she's about your age, maybe a little older, and has long jet-black hair. She says she's a friend of yours and that it's very urgent. It looks like she's been crying. She's outside the Temple gates, waiting to be let in. Does she sound familiar or is it just another one of your many female admirers that can't get enough of you?"

I sighed lightly. Corelio would never change. It took a moment for my sleep deprived mind to fit the description my friend had given me to my friend, Adelia, but as soon as it did, all thoughts of sleep and annoyance fled. 

Adelia and I had been good friends since my fifth birthday when I had met her during a Temple outing. She was a very shy but extremely friendly girl whose dream was to become a successful artist. She loved to draw and was very talented. Since I loved to write stories and she was very artistic we immediately felt connected to each other through our creativity. I would write stories and she would draw me book covers and illustrate them for me. Even though I hardly ever saw her, I felt like I could tell her anything.

However, it sometimes seemed that she wasn't as happy as she seemed. Sometimes when I spoke to her she would seem depressed and faraway. I tried to get her to talk to me but she would never tell me anything past the fact that her parents yelled and screamed at each other all the time but didn't have enough money to get a divorce.

"Obi-Wan?" Corelio asked worriedly, some of his previous mirth having been replaced with concern.

"Oh, sorry, Corelio. Yes, she's a friend of mine. Please show her in. I'll come and meet her in the entrance chambers."

"Alrighty then, I'll see you in a few minutes."

I nodded even though I knew he couldn't see me and cut off the transmission. Although I mostly wished that Qui-Gon and I shared quarters now was one of the few times when I was glad we didn't. After all, how would my Master react to me getting a visitor at three in the morning?

Using a quick flick of the Force I turned on the light and blinked rapidly to shut out the blinding rays until my eyes became used to the glow. Then I quickly shed my nightclothes and put on a tunic and a pair of pants. I didn't have time to get into the usual Jedi-attire but I sure wasn't going to leave my quarters in my pajamas. 

The Temple hallways were all but deserted as I made my way from the senior students' rooms to the main entrance. At three in the morning not many Masters were up and about. I only saw two people on the way to the entrance chambers and fortunately I didn't recognize either of them. I could just see myself running into Yoda or even Qui-Gon. That would most definitely be an interesting conversation. 'Padawan, where are you going so early in the morning?' 'Oh, nowhere Master, I'm just going to meet a friend who decided to pay me a late night visit.' I could just imagine my Master's amused and perplexed face.

It only took me about five minutes to reach the entrance chambers but by the time I entered it, Corelio and Adelia were already waiting for me. Adelia was sixteen years old, one year older than me, and was very beautiful. She was a tall and slender girl with midnight black hair that reached down to the back of her knees. Usually she wore her silky hair down but sometimes, when she was tired of flicking it away from her face and ears, she'd put it up in a tight bun.

Today, Adelia's usual beauty and grace seemed to have disappeared and been replaced by a flood of tears. Her eyes were red and puffy and there were crimson streaks along her pale cheeks from where the tears had fallen. Her hair was raised in a clumsy ponytail and she looked miserable.

Corelio, on the other hand, was his usual sunny self. He was thirty years old, looked like he was twenty, and acted like he was ten. He would have made a great healer but upon realizing that he would never be chosen as a Padawan Learner, for all the Master's thought he lacked the sufficient dedication to become a Knight, he had decided to serve the Order by becoming a Temple guard. He was short by human standards and had large puppy-dog eyes and thick black hair that hung loosely about his shoulders.

"There you are!" Corelio called out to me, "I was beginning to think that I was going to have to send a search party out to find you! What took you so long? What'd you do, take the scenic route? I can make it from here to your quarters in a minute flat!"

I spared my friend a brief smile before turning a worried gaze to Adelia. "Adelia," I said gently, "what's wrong? What happened?"

Adelia self-consciously rubbed her red eyes and wiped away some of her tears, "Obi-Wan…Ben," the words rolling off of her lips in a nervous tumble, "thank God you're here! I was afraid that…you'd be away on one of your missions or that you wouldn't want to see me."

I shook my head and set a gentle hand on her trembling shoulder, "How could you think that I'd turn you out?" I asked softly, "please, tell me what's wrong."

Adelia shot a wary glance at Corelio and gazed at me pleadingly. She obviously didn't want to discuss it in front of him. "C-can I stay at the Temple, tonight? I'll sleep on the floor, or anywhere, but I just can't go home."

Her request took me completely off-guard and for a moment I was speechless. "I-I'm not sure…I'd have to get permission and I don't even know who to ask…" I said when I recovered, "I'd be happy to give you a place to stay but it's not that simple. People who visit the Temple have to have special permission. Usually they're important ambassadors." I truly wanted to help her but this was the last thing I expected her to want from me.

Adelia looked down at the floor, ashamed. "I-I'm sorry, Ben. You know I wouldn't usually do something like this but I can't stay at home and if I go to any of my other friends their parents would throw me out."

I sighed. Adelia was obviously desperate and I hated to turn her out. I would have to wake up Qui-Gon. Maybe he could give me permission for Adelia to stay. "Look, Adelia, why don't you come back to my room with me and I'll ask Qui-Gon if you can spend the night. On the way there you can tell me what happened. Okay?"

Adelia smiled tremulously and nodded, "Thank you, Ben," she said gratefully, taking my hand and holding it tightly for a few moments.

"Corelio," I turned back to my other friend, "would you mind contacting Qui-Gon and asking him to meet me at my quarters? I left my comlink in my room."

"Oh, yeah, Obi-Wan, I'm sure you did. You're just chicken!" He said with a huge grin that he quickly schooled upon receiving a disbelieving look from Adelia. "Sure I'll contact him."

"Thanks," I said.

I draped my arm around Adelia's shoulders and slowly led her back towards my room. "So," I started, "what happened?"

"Oh, Ben!" she exclaimed dramatically, "it was _horrible_. I got home from a friend's house to find my parents in the middle of a huge argument. They were screaming and cursing at each other and my mom was so mad that she was threatening to throw my dad out of the house. I'm not sure what happened," the girl confessed brokenly, "but I know that my dad was drunk. When my mom said she'd throw him out he began to break things. He took her favorite vase and shattered it against the wall… I-I know I should have stayed but it was terrible to see my parents arguing like that so I snuck back out of the house and came here."

As Adelia fell silent I knew there was more to her story than she was telling. What she had described sounded terrible but I knew that what had made her break down into tears was worse. "What else happened, Ade?" I asked gently, squeezing her shoulder.

"Well, as I was l-leaving the h-house I h-heard my dad tell my mom th-that she made his life a living hell and that he didn't love her and never did. He s-said that the o-only reason he's still with us is because he'd get thrown in jail if he left her without any money and a child to take care of. He said that he didn't l-love my mom or m-me." Adelia's voice had started off in a trembling whisper and ended in a broken sob as new tears seeped out from her beautiful eyes to cover her face.

It was at times like these when I'd give anything to have Qui-Gon's understanding of the living force and delicacy with people. I had no idea what to say but I knew I had to say _something_. "Adelia," I started, "your parents were obviously in the middle of a big argument and you said that you're dad was drunk. People say things they don't mean when they're mad and even more so when they've had too much to drink. I'm sure that your dad didn't mean that. You're very important to your parents, Adelia, you're their daughter and they love you."

"I-I w-wish I could b-believe you, Ben," she said between her sobs.

Dropping my arm from Adelia's shoulders and took her small hand in mine and squeezed it tightly. "No matter what happens," I said softly, "remember that you always have people who care about you Ade, always."

"Th-thank you, Ben, you're so sweet," she said, squeezing my hand tightly.

When Adelia and I rounded the corner and came in sight of my quarters I was not surprised to see that Qui-Gon was already waiting for us. I was relieved to note that he didn't look annoyed or even sleepy. Instead, he seemed concerned.

"Obi-Wan?" he questioned me softly, glancing at Adelia sympathetically for a brief moment before turning back to look at me.

"Master," I said, bowing my head momentarily, "I am sorry to wake you up so early in the morning but Adelia," I indicated my friend, "needs a place to stay tonight and I was wondering if you'd let her stay with me."

Qui-Gon placed a comforting hand on Adelia's shoulder and said, "Why don't we talk inside, Padawan?" he asked softly, leading my friend into my room and sitting her down on my bed.

I followed Qui-Gon and sat down next to Adelia so that she'd be between me and him. "Did you run away from your home, Adelia?" he asked gently.

Adelia shook her head no, "No…well yes, but not really. I'm not running away…sir…I just need a place to stay for tonight. I promise that I won't bother you for more than just a night. I can't go home now…not when my parents are…" my friend's voice dwindled into silence and she sent me a questioning look.

"You can trust Qui-Gon," I assured her with a smile, "go ahead and tell him."

In short faltering sentences Adelia told my Master what she had told me, going into a little more detail in hopes of winning over his sympathy so that he would let her stay. By the time she was finished with her story fresh tears had formed in her eyes to fall down her face.

Qui-Gon smiled reassuringly at Adelia but through our bond I could feel his desire to help her battle with his belief that taking her home would truly be the best thing. "Here, Adelia," he said, taking some of the fabric from his robe and using it to wipe away some of her tears, "Please don't cry. Your parents love you more than anything in the world, even if they don't love each other anymore. You mustn't believe otherwise. They were angry and your father said things that he doesn't truly feel. Such is the way of anger."

"W-will you let me stay, please? I-I can't go back h-home tonight. It was terrible…to see my parents…argue like that."

Qui-Gon placed a gentle hand of the girl's shoulder and said, "I know it was. I am glad you came here, I will be happy to help you."

After working with Qui-Gon for two years I knew his ways better than anyone. 'I will be happy to help you' didn't mean he was going to let her stay. It meant that he would do everything in his power to make her feel better and ease the difficult situation. 

Master, I spoke through our bond in hopes of convincing him to agree, I know that we should call her parents so that they don't worry about her but it's three in the morning. Please let her spend the night. We can contact her parents early tomorrow morning and arrange to have them come pick her up. Look at her. She's miserable. We can't send her home now.

Qui-Gon sighed mentally, I know how much you want to help her, Obi-Wan, I do too. However, we both know that the right thing to do is to contact her parents so that they don't worry. They will no doubt want to come pick her up as soon as they realize where she is.

Master, I tried again, you heard what she said. Her parents were screaming at each other and her dad is drunk. I don't think she'd feel safe at home. I wouldn't feel right sending her back. When people are drunk you never know what they'll do.

I know, Obi-Wan. I am concerned for your friend as well. My mind is telling me to send her home but my heart will not allow it. "You can spend one night here at the Temple. Tomorrow morning as soon as you wake up we will take you back to your parents."

"Oh, thank you, sir!" Adelia exclaimed with as much joy as she could muster, throwing herself into Qui-Gon's arms for a grateful hug.

I smiled slightly at Qui-Gon's startled expression and felt warm inside when he wrapped his arms around the girl and soothingly rocked her back and forth for a few moments. "It's a little early to be up," he said when he drew Adelia away from him, "you two should get some sleep. You can use Obi-Wan's bed and I'll bring in a sleeping cushion for him to use for the night."

It only took a few minutes for Qui-Gon to find something for me to sleep on and before long he had fixed it up into a reasonably comfortable looking bed and was bidding us goodnight. "Sleep well Adelia," he said as he left the room, "and Padawan, I want to find that mattress slept on when I return tomorrow morning."

I blushed slightly, "Master!" I said with a laugh, "you know you can trust me."

Qui-Gon nodded, "Yes, Padawan, I do trust you." The only reason I'm even letting you stay in the same room is because you two are friends and the girl is distressed. Don't make me regret this in the morning.

You won't, Master, I promise.

Hmm, I hope so. Goodnight, child.

Goodnight, Master, and thank you.

~~~~~~~~~~

"Good morning, Siri," I called out to my friend/rival as I entered the training room. "How'd your last mission go?"

Siri answered me in the same cold tone she always used, "It went fine."

I nodded and suppressed the urge to sigh, "Good."

Upon waking up this morning Qui-Gon and I had contacted Adelia's parents and arranged to bring the girl home after breakfast. Adelia tried to hide her obvious fear at the thought of returning home but I knew she was scared of what she would find when she got there. After Qui-Gon had left to briefly speak with Yoda Adelia had asked me for some time alone and I had gladly obliged her. 

I had come to the training room in hoping to find someone to spar with but Siri was the only one here and I didn't really want to ask her. 

"So, what's in your pocket?" Siri asked, eyeing me almost suspiciously.

I frowned, "I don't know what you mean," I said.

Siri rolled her eyes. "The paper that's sticking out of your right pocket, what is it?"

I looked down at the right pocket in my robe and saw that there was indeed a piece of paper there. Curiously I lifted it up and immediately recognized Adelia's sketching paper. Had she left me a drawing?

I carefully unfolded the paper and was surprised to see that it was a note, not a sketch. With an unexplainable feeling of dread forming in the pit of my stomach, I read the hurriedly scrawled words my friend had written me. 

Dear Ben,

I am leaving you this note to thank you and your wonderful Master for letting me stay with you last night. You'll never know how much one last night of peace means to me. I wish I didn't have to do this but I know that it's the only way to end the pain. I don't want to be a burden to my dad anymore. Now that I'm not around he'll be able to leave my mom and do something useful with his life. I can't bear the knowledge that my dad is so unhappy because he can't leave home with a child to take care of. Please know how much I love you and how much your friendship has meant to me throughout these past years of misery.

I hope you never forget me,

Adelia

A deep horror filled my mind and body and left me momentarily paralyzed. No, it couldn't be. I had to have misunderstood the letter. She couldn't possibly be considering…but she was, she was. I had to stop her! I couldn't let her do this!

I sucked in a lungful of air, suddenly realizing that I had stopped breathing, and turned towards the door. Ignoring whatever Siri was asking me I sprinted out of the training room, and barely avoided a young initiate who was just entering as I speeded past.

Completely unaware of my surroundings I mechanically made my way back to my room so quickly that when I reached the door to my quarters I was completely out of breath and my heart was pounding loudly against my chest. 

Taking a deep breath of air I nervously fumbled with the controls to the door until it finally slid open to let me inside.

"Adelia!" I exclaimed frantically, jumping into my room and quickly glancing around.

For what could have been a few seconds or a few minutes no coherent thought would form in my mind and all I could do was just stand there and take in the horrible sight in front of me. 

I was too late. On my bed, surrounded by a pool of dark crimson blood, was Adelia. Her hands were holding the hilt of a knife that she had pushed through her heart. Her chest was covered in blood that dripped down the sides of her body to stain the sheets of my bed. 

I tried to scream the word, "No!" but my mouth opened and no sound came through my lips. I wanted to deny that this could happen, that Adelia could do this to herself, but I knew that she was already dead and there was no way I could save her. 

I wanted to move. I wanted to leave my room and forget the horrible picture that had carved itself into my head but my legs wouldn't obey my mind. "No," I finally managed to croak softly, "no, Adelia…no."

Grief pushed past the denial to attack my heart and it took all my strength and control to blink back the tears that threatened to overwhelm me. How could she have done this? How could my beautiful, talented, you friend who had her whole life ahead of her have committed suicide? Didn't she know how many people cared for her? Didn't she realize that she could have come to me with her sorrows and I would have helped her? 

I stumbled back out of my room, nearly running into the side of the door before making it into the hallway. I couldn't stand it any longer. I couldn't stand to look at the wretched form of my beloved friend for even a second more. I had to leave. I had to go somewhere…

**Qui-Gon:**

I let out a small sigh of frustration as I left the training rooms and began to slowly wander back to my quarters. I had looked for Obi-Wan everywhere. He wasn't in any of the meditation gardens, training rooms, and none of his friends were at the Temple. Mace Windu had been the last person to see the boy when he had rushed into his quarters and breathlessly told him that Adelia had committed suicide. 

Obi-Wan had been in the second training room when he had realized that Adelia had left him a note in his tunic. According to Siri the boy's face had gone deathly pale and he had sprinted out of the room so fast that he nearly ran over one of the younger initiates. Upon reaching his quarters he had found Adelia dead with a knife through her heart. The girl had killed herself. After telling Mace Windu of the incident, Obi-Wan had disappeared. I had been with Yoda when the incident occurred and by the time I reached the boy's room, he had already left. I couldn't find him anywhere.

I knew that the boy was in distress. I could feel the waves of sadness hitting me through our bond but Obi-Wan had his shields up so tight that I couldn't tell where he was. Adelia and Obi-Wan had been very good friends I knew her death, especially considering the fact that the girl had taken her own life, would hit him very hard. My heart went out to the boy. Not only was this the second year anniversary of Cerasi's death, but the girl had killed herself on his bed and he had been the one to find her. Even though my Padawan had accepted Cerasi's death he always became slightly depressed and unenergetic around the time of her death. Because of that I knew that he would take the loss of Adelia very badly.

I wanted to be there to comfort the boy. I wanted to hold him in my arms and tell him that everything was all right. I wanted to be there for him. Unfortunately I couldn't even _find_ him. The boy was grieving and I knew he shouldn't be alone at a time like this. Even if the only comfort I could give was that of my presence, I would give him any and every comfort I could.

Even at my slow pace I reached my quarters all too quickly. I had hoped to somehow run into my Padawan on the way to my room but it seemed fate had other plans. I wanted to keep on looking for the boy but I had already been searching for almost three hours. Obi-Wan couldn't stay in his own room, for several Jedi Masters were running the usual investigations involved with any death that occurred within the Temple, and would eventually have to return to my quarters. I would wait for him there.

I wearily keyed open the door to my room and stepped into the darkness that lay within. As soon as the door slid shut behind me I felt a wave of utter misery hit me though my bond with Obi-Wan and I heard the muffled sobs.

The irony of finding Obi-Wan in my own quarters when I had just spent the last three hours looking for him was not lost to me but at the moment I was more relieved and concerned than amused. I could sense my Padawan's presence in the room and now that I was so close to him I could clearly and powerfully feel his emotions through the Force. Grief was battling guilt and denial in my young Padawan's mind, making the boy a trembling ball of misery.

Not wanting to startle the boy I decided to alert him to my presence before turning on the light. He obviously didn't know I was here. "Obi-Wan?" I asked softly, sending the despairing boy waves of comfort through our bond. 

A choked gasp escaped my Padawan's throat and I could feel his shame and horror reflected through our bond. The boy didn't want me to see him like this. He didn't want me to see him cry. He always strived to impress me and he thought that by showing such a display of emotion he would disappoint me.

"M-Master?" he said, his voice hitching as he spoke.

"Yes, Padawan," I acknowledged, infusing our bond with as much comfort and warmth as I could. Unlike Obi-Wan thought I did not always know what to say and I found myself completely at a loss for words. How could I comfort the boy after such a tragic, needless event? There was nothing I could say that would take the boy's pain away. All I could do was give him the comfort of someone to talk to and to be with. "I looked for you everywhere. I was worried about you."

I felt suddenly completely helpless. I was unsure of how to comfort the boy. I had never seen him cry before and I didn't know what he'd want from me. My heart told me to go to Obi-Wan and take him into my arms and offer him every shred of comfort that I could but my mind wondered if my Padawan would appreciate being treated like a little boy. 

Obi-Wan tried to answer me but his voice was stolen away by another wave of powerful sobs that tore through the silence that had temporarily fallen over the room. "Padawan," I said, "I'm going to turn on the light." I needed to see the boy and I thought it would help if he could see me and know I was here for him.

Without waiting for the boy to answer I turned on the light and quickly swept over the room with a single glance until my eyes fell upon the boy. Obi-Wan was huddled in a ball on my bed, clutching my pillow as if it was the only thing that could save him from eternal torment. 

The vision of Obi-Wan looking so heartbreakingly vulnerable with tears streaming down his face and sobs wracking his body was enough to send a knife through my heart. I wanted nothing more than to wipe away his tears and gather him up into my arms but we hadn't crossed that barrier yet. There was still a distance between us that separated up from being close friends and held us at the level of companions. We both wanted to be closer, with both _needed_ to be closer, but like anything, true friendship was a process that took time. I was his teacher, how would he react to such an action from me? Would it offend him? Would he think that I thought him a child?

Obi-Wan gasped loudly as tears continued to tear through his trembling body. I could feel him trying to reign in his emotions and release them into the Force but the noble effort was lost to a wave of fresh sobs. 

My heart constricted tightly. Obi-Wan was in misery. I couldn't just stand here when every cell in my body was telling me to comfort him. Crossing the distance between us I reached the bed in two strides and sat down next to the huddled form of my Padawan.

"Obi-Wan," I said gently, placing a hand on his trembling head, "I heard about what happened and I want you to know that I'm here if you need to talk."

Again I felt Obi-Wan reach out to the Force and try to control his raging emotions but they were simply too strong for him. "I-I'm sorry, Master, but I-I had nowhere else to go," he stammered out haltingly.

Nowhere else to go? The boy said that as if I would think him a burden and regret his coming to me. Did he truly think he was a nuisance to me? "No, Padawan, I'm glad you came here," I gently stroked the boy's sweat matted hair, "I want to help you."

A wave of grief slammed into me through my bond with Obi-Wan and I felt the boy begin to shake almost uncontrollably. "I-I'm s-sorry to b-bother you…Master, but th-there was so m-much b-blood in my r-room…I just couldn't stand to be t-there."

Through our bond I received a momentary flash of memory. I saw Adelia lying across the bed with blood pouring from her body to pool around her… I quickly swallowed down my own disgust and sadness at the image. I could deal with my own emotions later, Obi-Wan needed me now and I didn't want him to feel anything but comfort through our bond. "It's all right, my Padawan," I assured him gently, wiping away one of his many tears as it rolled off his face, "you have nothing to apologize for."

"I-I d-didn't know what she…w-wanted to d-do or I w-would have stopped her. By the…time I go th-there it was too late, she was already gone… She used a knife M-Master and s-stabbed herself in the heart. H-her blood is all over my b-bed and I had to get out of th-there. I couldn't bear it."

A sick feeling filled my heart and my chest tightened at the sheer grief and guilt that I heard emanating from the boy's quivering voice. "Obi-Wan, it wasn't your fault. You had no idea what she was planning to do. The choice was hers and hers alone. There's nothing that you could have done to stop her," I murmured gently as I continued to stroke his spiky hair.

"I…I should've known…I s-sensed her s-sadness, Master. I kn-knew something was wrong. I-if I had talked to her more and told her how much her f-friendship meant to me then maybe she w-wouldn't have done it…"

"Padawan, no!" My voice came out sharper than I had intended and I immediately softened my tone. "No, Obi-Wan, you can't think that way. There are too many 'ifs' for you to be blaming this on yourself. She is at peace now, my Padawan. She is one with the Force and one day you will be reunited with her."

"Sh-she had so much to l-live for, Master. Why did she do this? I don't understand why she did this!" The boy's voice sounded so desperate and full of pain and grief that it nearly brought tears to my eyes. I couldn't just leave him here, curled up forlornly on my bed. He needed me now. "I just don't understand…Master," the boy mumbled out on a hiccup of air.

At the sound of the boy's childlike, confused, and innocent voice I could take it no longer. Without stopping to consider how Obi-Wan would react I quickly lay down next to him and pulled his trembling body into my arms. Holding the boy's head to my chest I enfolding him in a fierce embrace and flooded our bond with my concern and love.

The boy stiffened against me as his pride warred against his need for physical comfort but after a few moments a half-stifled sob was wrenched from his throat and he collapsed into my embrace. 

"It's all right, Obi-Wan," I crooned into his ear, "don't be ashamed, it's all right."

After a moment of hesitation the boy released the pillow he had been holding and moved until he was completely snuggled against me. Then, after another surge of embarrassment, he fisted his hands in the back of my tunic and clung to me desperately. 

"Shh shh, Padawan, shh." I tightened my hold on the grieving boy as his sobs increased and his body began to shake fiercely, pouring all of my love into our bond. Usually I was not this open with my feelings but the sight of my Obi-Wan's tear-stained face was enough to break my calm Jedi veneer.

"Th-there was so…much b-blood, M-Master," he brokenly sobbed into my tunic, "it was h-horrible. S-she looked so…di-different. S-so sad…"

"I know, child, I know." In my life as a Jedi I had seen my share of death but nothing ever chilled me more than when the person had died by their own hand. Obi-Wan had been the girl's best friend; I could only imagine how he was feeling.

"I-I'm sorry," the boy continued, "I-I know I'm not acting l-like…a Jedi sh-should b-but, I c-can't help it. I'm sorry."

I moved one of my hands to gently stroke the boy's hair again, "Obi-Wan, Jedi are not the emotionless machines that most people, some of our own included, think we are. We cannot be serene and calm all the time. Sometimes we need to let go and cry just as much as everyone else does. You're a young man who has just seen something terrible that no one should ever have to see and I think you're allowed to grieve. I am not ashamed of you and you should not be either."

"Y-yes, Master, t-thank you," the boy said.

We stayed like that for almost an hour without saying anything. The boy's sobs and tremors had long since abated but neither of us made any move to disengage from the embrace. I could feel that Obi-Wan had achieved a tenuous peace inside himself and I was unwilling to disrupt it. If my Padawan needed for me to hold him for the rest of eternity, I would gladly oblige.

"M-Master?" My Padawan's tired and hesitant voice reached me as the boy shifted positions slightly and tilted his head up to look at me.

"Yes, child?" I asked softly, meeting his wavering eyes and holding them in my gaze.

"Why did she do that, Master?" he asked imploringly, wishing me to have the answers that would chase his distress and confusion away.

Unfortunately there were no such words that I could speak for my Padawan's benefit. Such actions confused and troubled me just as much as they did him. "I don't, Padawan. Sometimes people just let themselves be weighed down by all their problems and can't bring themselves to see the good side of life. All they see is their pain, the world's pain, and they keep on burying it deep inside them until they just can't take it anymore and think that death is the only way to solve all their problems."

When Obi-Wan didn't answer, I continued, "After seeing her parents argue so vehemently she felt somehow responsible for their anger and pain and that just added to the despair she already felt. She couldn't see anything but sorrow in her future so she chose to end her life so she could finally feel the peace she so desperately craved." I paused to place a gentle kiss on Obi-Wan's forehead, "It wasn't your fault Obi-Wan. It was the will of the Force. Everything happens for a reason, even if the reason is often lost to us."

Obi-Wan blushed softly and despite the pain I could feel a tiny flicker of joy and realized that it was because I was being openly affectionate with him for the first time since taking his as my Padawan. "I know that now, Master. Before…before you came in I couldn't think straight. I couldn't get the image of her body…w-with the terrible knife and all the blood, out of my head. Thank you, Master," he said, smiling slightly, "thank you for being here for me."

I returned the boy's smile, "It is my pleasure to give you any comfort I can, Obi-Wan. Loosing a friend isn't easy, as you full well know, and it is only natural to grieve. It will take time, but you will move on, just as you did when Cerasi was killed. Until then, I will be here for as long as you need the comfort of my presence."

The End


End file.
